


Obliviate

by NalgeneWhore



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Child Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Guilt, Long lost love, Mutual Pining, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22761808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: Elide Lochan’s sole comfort whilst she was kept under lock and key in a tower was her very best friend in the entire world, Lorcan Salvaterre. For years, every night without fail, he would scale the walls to visit her. As the years went by, they found themselves in love and when Lorcan was called away to war, they lost all contact.Now, as the war has ended and Perranth begins to rebuild, Elide in her rightful place as Lady of Perranth, she cannot help be drawn to the brooding warrior that shows up on her doorstep but she still is unable to forget the boy she pledged her heart to, and he in turn cannot forget the girl he vowed to set free.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	1. Free Me

She had long since run out of charcoal to mark the days she spent wasting away in her tower. Elide no longer craved the sun to slice through the barred window as now daybreak brought only the sounds of death and destruction. 

The chains around her ankles, she had never gotten used to them. They were cold and heavy, weighing her to the far wall. She hadn’t set her eyes on the battle below as she wasn’t able to walk more than five feet in any direction. 

Elide had felt the change, had known that Perranth would not be lost to the demons plaguing it when the castle became quiet. Quiet and empty, she felt it in her aching bones. 

Then, when no one came to throw her a moldy heel of bread or a rotting root vegetable and no one came to change out the water in the bucket next to her, Elide had known that this was where she would die. 

Forgotten and alone, chained to the tower of a crumbling castle. The walls, the walls, that she had pored over, taking whatever bit of burnt wood she could find to draw with. She drew ravens, with great big wings, soaring high over the mountains and forests. She drew the big, bright, moon that was her only companion when the hunger pains kept her awake at night. The moon was her companion on the nights that her love didn’t scale the walls to see her. It was her salvation.

Her dirty and ragged dress, hung in tatters off her skeletal frame. The rips showed that every bone on her sickly form stuck out harshly. She gathered every scrap of cloth she could, every grubby, flea-ridden blanket to cower in the corner, just waiting for Death to claim her. 

It didn’t matter how many blankets she had, Elide’s weak body was still wracked with shivers so hard, she was left with bruising on her garishly pale skin that bloomed a deep purple. She had once loved the colour purple, but now it made her sick to her stomach. 

The stench from the dead far below her wafted up into her tower and the smell had her vomiting whatever was left in her meager stomach. After there was nothing left at all, the bile burned her throat, already tender from screaming for somebody, _anybody_ to help her. 

After the first two days, after her voice was completely shattered, she realized that no one was ever coming to get her. When that reality settled in, for the first time in five years, she tugged at her chains. Elide tugged on the wall so hard, just hoping for a brick to come loose, that when a stone finally cracked, her nails were split down the middle and her hands were bloody and raw. 

It took all her strength to slam it, over and over, on the shackles. She yanked and yanked at the bolts in the wall, sobbing through gritted teeth. 

_She just needed to be free, she just needed to break the chains, then, then she could open the door._

Her uncle’s most depraved act of cruelty had been to unlock the door keeping her from the stairs. He had laughed in her face the day he left the door unlocked. If only she could free herself, she could open the door and race downstairs, she could be free. 

But she couldn’t free herself and the exertion of her waning strength cost her as she fell and blacked out, waking to a fresh wound that pounded on the back of her skull, her already matted and dirty hair now wet and sticky with her blood. 

The moon was shining into her window when she awoke, only for a moment and she knew it had been three days since she was last conscious. Her head pounded and when she summoned every dredge of strength in her skeletal body to raise her hand to her head. Her fingers came away shaking and dripping red. Her ears caught the strained groans of men from the ground far below her, under her clothes, a clammy sweat broke out over her skin. She reached for the bucket, scooping out water in her cupped hands and drinking from it, the dirty liquid dripping down her chin. Elide attempted to rise to her knees, to stretch as far as she could for the kiss of the night breeze on her hot skin, but just as her arm reached out, the blackness swallowed her whole.

The second time she awoke, it was of the hunger that gnawed on her stomach, that begged of her to be sustained. Her head was stuffed with cotton, but she still heard the scuffling and squeaking of rodents. Elide sat up slowly, already gagging at what she would be forced to do. It was either this or die and though she cried silent tears at the humanity she had lost, Elide waited until the fat rodent crossed into her reachand she closed her eyes as she snatched for and mercifully snapped its neck. 

It took every ounce of tenacity in her tired self to keep down the raw meat she had choked down, her stomach rolling and heaving until finally, she was granted that sweet oblivion once more.

After a week of the same, wakingand capturing any critter that approached her, the animals learned not to go near her and now she was out of options. 

On the eighth day, a raven landed on the windowsill, its claws tapping on the iron bars. It crowed at her and flapped its wings. She could’ve sworn that a tendril of black smoke creep from him, slithering across the floor to her. She reached out to it. It was a mockery of what had once been said to her, the promise he had made to her as a child. He would see her free as a raven soaring above the mountains even if it killed him. 

And now, he had died and she was close to it, she could taste past the blood on her tongue that she did not have longer.

Elide knew she had little time before she would fade into the Afterworld as she lifted her hands and saw the fine bones jaunting out at her, her moon-white hands webbed and mapped with her veins, her jagged nails lined with dirt.

A soft peace settled over her, like the warmest, thickest quilt that had ever been made, like a hug from her long-lost love, who had never returned to her. 

She had been told he had died, by her uncle, as he tortured her, believing her to hold information she kept from him. She held no such secrets, no such messages to be hid from the demon army. The moment he had uttered her love’s name in mock grief was the moment she became useless. The moment he uttered the words, _He’s dead, you stupid girl_ , she had given upand lived only to await Death, so that one day, they would be reunited once again. 

Elide would go to the next world willingly, knowing that her people had been freed. There was a smile on her cracked lips as she rejoiced silently. 

Perranth was _free_. 

Terrasen was free and so her people were. 

She had done her duty, to her, to her parents and her country. After her lifetime of suffering, Elide had done her duty and she could go now. 

The world began to fade and her belly was full again and she was so deliciously warm. _Come along, my child. I promise, all your pain will be fleeting._

It was the soft voice of her mother, one she had not heard for twelve long and lonely years. 

They had not all been lonely, her nights had been filled with the truest love and friendship that had ever been. 

Elide could not find the strength in her to keep her heavy eyelids open and so she let them fall shut. Her mother and father waited for her, soft smiles on their faces as they beckoned her forward. _Mama_ , she breathed, tears spilling down her cheeks. 

She rose from her body, reaching out to them when another person appeared before her. 

He appeared as a boy of seventeen, anger on his face, his brows lowered. He wouldn’t allow her to pass and Elide thought she heard the pounding of feet outside the door. _Let me through, now, before I am killed._

_It is not your time, Elide. You cannot join them._

Elide slammed her hands against his chest, _Let me pass, Lorcan. I cannot stay here, I cannot live any longer without you. Please_ , she caressed his face, feeling tears build in her eyes, _please let me be with you._

He took her face in his hands and stroked his thumbs over her cheekbones, _You will not find me here, my love._

_Then where? Where will I find you?_

_Exactly where you are. I will come home to you, like I promised. Won’t you wait for me?_

_Yes, yes, I will wait for you. How long will you have me wait this time?_ She asked him, a giddy laugh on her lips as he would return to her, after all these years, she wouldn’t live the rest of her days alone.

Lorcan laughed, but all she could hear was the slamming of her door being opened and the cries of men, “She’s here! We found her!” 

_Not long, Elide, I swear to you,_ mahasani _, I will be with you by our lunar eclipse._

He began to fade and she dug her hands into his shirt, crying and holding him. _Don’t you dare leave me again, you bastard, don’t-_

 _I must, I am so sorry, I must leave you once more, when I am next with you, I shall never leave again. But, for now,_ he rested his forehead on hers, _I am with you, always._ She closed her eyes, tears cutting through the grime on her cheeks. He pressed his lips to hers and Elide could taste the salt of his own tears. When she opened her eyes, Lorcan was gone and she saw someone with silver hair and a black ink marking the left side of his face raise a gleaming hatchet above her. 

She cowered and let out a hoarse scream, waiting for the blow that was sure to come. Instead, she felt a jarring blow reverberated up through her legs, the straining feeling as she sought to get as far away as she could from the wall lessened. Hands, the feeling of them foreign to her after not being touched for longer than she cared to remember, lifted her and her shackles were still around her ankles. “ _Get them off, take them off, please, please, take them off,_ ” she sobbed, scratching at the arms of the man with a golden halo of curls who carried her. She thrashed, “ _Free me!_ ” 

Her screams cleaved through the castleand she was jostled as whoever carried her sprinted down the stairs. “ _Take them off!_ ” 

“Majesty, majesty, we found her.” 

She was set on a soft surface and a gentle hand caressed her face, a golden voice that soothed her like honey on burns, “You are safe, Elide, my sweet, you are safe.” 

Elide knew that voice, had dreamt of that voice for ages, “Ae-” 

“Don’t- don’t talk, my heart, I am here with you,” the queen whispered. “I am here with you.” 

“ _Take, take them off, please, take them off,_ ” she begged. “ _Get them off of me._ ” 

There were soft hands stroking over her brow, a cool cloth patted on her cheeks. But they were not the hands she wanted and she thrashed again, screaming for someone, someone to free her. “ _Take them off, take them off of me!_ ” 

She sobbed and strained at the hands holding her down, her nails cutting into forearms corded with muscle. Something was held to her lips and she shook her head, whipping it back until a hand gripped her jaw and forced a cool liquid into her mouth before tipping her head back, the medicine falling down her throat. 

Elide coughed, trying to expel whatever this was she had been made to drink, but the fight left her as she began to float to a softer oblivion, one that did not lead to death. 

_She was a child once more and the moon, that blessed, beautiful, bright moon, was the very same as the night she had first met Lorcan, one she had drawn so many times on her walls and one she would never be able to forget._

_They had been children, though at the time, Lorcan, in all his ten years of life, would have vehemently insisted that he was no longer a child, Elide, at only nine was a child, but not he!_

_Night had fallen and Elide was alone again. At least during the day, she had Finnula and whichever of her uncle’s croneys he sent to torment her, some way or another._

_The one thing they had never managed to do was to cut her hair and Elide would be damned if her uncle took her dark as a starless night locks._

_If she had her hair, she could pretend that she was a princess, locked away by an evil witch, just waiting for her Prince Charming to arrive._

_The boy that appeared on her windowsill was definitely not her Prince Charming. He had no white horse to take her away nor was he royalty. Prince of the gutter, perhaps, but not her Prince Charming._

_He was scrawny and anger rippled off of him, as well as these shadows that felt like death. Curious, maybe, if she drew him something, he would tell her about them._

_“Who are you?” he demanded from his perch her windowsill, soot and dirt on his face._

_As soon as the first hand had appeared on the stones, quick to be followed by a body, Elide had thrown herself in the far-most corner of her wall, the scrap of paper and pencil held menacingly in front of her. At his demand, she forgot her fear and rose to her feet, stomping over to where he was. “Who am I? Who are you? How’d you get up here?”_

_It was a long, long, long, way down to the ground. She knew that because after the first week of her confinement, when the jump down started to seem more and more appealing to her, her uncle had dropped one of her ceramic dolls out of the window and they watched it fall._ That is what will happen to you, girl, if you jump. _And so, she had never contemplated it again and stayed in her tower, only to be let out for one hour of sunlight each week and if she misbehaved, it was to the dungeon for her._

 _“Um, I_ climbed _,” he told her, his tone making it seem like it was very obvious. “What’s your name?”_

_“Elide Lochan. I’m the heir of Perranth,” she said, pompously as she put her hands on her hips. “And what, exactly, is yours?”_

_“Lorcan Salvaterre.” He jumped off the window and into her room, walking around it. “Why don’t you come and play outside? Oh,” he said, looking at her with a distasteful sneer, “are you one of those silly girls who don’t like playing ‘cause they don’t want to get dirty? I never understood that, you can just wash your clothes.”_

_“Oh, no, I love playing outside, but my uncle, the Lord, says someone could steal me away and kill me, so I only go outside when I am good and with a whole bunch of guards, but not my old ones, new ones. They’re not as nice, they don’t like to play with me.”_

_“Hm, that doesn’t sound like much fun.” Lorcan sat himself on her floor, looking at the pictures she had drawn, “Ooh, these are pretty good, you know. You could sell them in the marketplace, Elide.”_

_Elide liked how her name sounded when he said it, like it was something special. It sounded like a curse on her uncle’s tongue and Finnula always sounded sad. She didn’t care much for Finnula when she was sad. “I’m not allowed to go to the marketplace, it’s not safe.”_

_Lorcan rose his brow, “Can you go anywhere?”_

_Elide sat next to him and shrugged, “I like my tower, I can pretend I’m a princess.”_

_“Yeah, but princesses in towers are always put in towers by a bad guy. Who put you in the tower?”_

_“My uncle, Lord Vernon.”_

_“I don’t think that’s what uncles are supposed to do.”_

_“Me neither.”_

_“My mother works here, she’s the healer. I bet she could take care of you,” he told her, picking up her drawing of a raven. “Oh, I like this one the_ best _, I like ravens.” One of the shadows that leaked off him approached her and she jumped when it brushed against her hand._

_“What’s that? The black smoke stuff.”_

_“My magic, I’m not so good at controlling it right now but my mother says when I grow up, I’ll be really strong. My father was a Fae warrior.” He seemed to puff up when he said that and Elide giggled._

_Lorcan looked at her, his brows furrowed as her giggles turned into full-blown laughter and he couldn’t help but join. They laughed until their stomachs hurt and then fear, the scent of fear shoved itself up Lorcan’s nose as they heard the scuffling of feet outside and quickly, she hauled him to his feet and pushed him to her bed, shoving him under. “Don’t say a word!”_

_He nodded and disappeared in the shadows, as the door swung open and her uncle stood there. Even from across the room, Elide could smell the reeking scent of booze. “What’re ya laughing about, girl? Who’s in here?” he shouted at her, stumbling forward a step._

_“No one!” she yelped as he got too close and she was forced to step back. “It’s just me, I promise.”_

_“You’re a liar, a liar, you stupid girl!” He reached to grab her hair, but Elide was smaller, quicker and most important of all, sober. She duckedand cowered by the fireplace that was still cheerily burning. Vernon stepped on one of her drawings, the one with the raven that Lorcan liked. He laughed cruelly at it and stooped to pick it up. “Well, ain’t this a pretty little drawing? Would be a shame if,” he crumpled it and she squeaked, tears choking her as he threw it into the fire. “Oops.”_

_“No! What did you do?” she cried, scrambling forward only to be struck across the face by the back of his hand, her hands flying to her stinging cheek, smarting from the rings he wore._

_“Stay back, girl, or the next thing in the fire will be you!”_

_Elide began to sob as he ripped every single one of her drawings and threw them into the fireplace, laughing at her tears. The bottle of alcohol in his hand was near empty and after he had emptied it with one last swig, he threw it. The glass bottle shattered and the shards surrounded her. “You don’t question me, or you will be punished, you ungrateful wretch.”_

_Vernon pulled her head back by his painful grip on her hair and slammed her head into the stone wall she cowered against. “That’ll teach you.” He spat at her feet and left, locking the door behind him._

_Elide was crying as Lorcan crawled out from underneath the bed, his eyes wide. “A-are you okay, Ellie?”_

_She smiled despite her pain at his new nickname for her and found that she quite liked it. “Yeah,” she breathed, wiping her tears away. “Sometimes he drinks too much, he’s not always like that. I’m not supposed to make him ma-ad.” Elide hiccuped and fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and heard Lorcan moved away glass shards to sit next to her, his shoulder pressed against hers._

_“I’m sorry, Ellie, I shouldn’t have climbed up here, I was just curious.”_

_“It’s okay, it was nice that you did,” she whispered, breathing in and out, past the sobs that threatened to wreck her._

_“Ellie, what did he mean by ‘you’ll be punished’? You’re locked away in a tower, isn’t that punishment enough?”_

_“We have a dungeon. When I misbehave, I get sent there.”_

_“_ What _? For how long?”_

_Elide shrugged and tentatively leaned against him, “I don’t remember, it’s so dark down there that time doesn’t exist.” She felt him stiffen and she thought it might be because she rested her head on his shoulder, but he let her continue to shore up against him. “I think I would like it if you visited me.”_

_“I don’t want you to get into trouble, Ellie,” he said quietly, his voice remorseful as he stared into the fire. “It’s my fault all your art got burned up.”_

_“No, he’d probably do it anyways. Please say you’ll visit me, please?” Elide lifted her head to turn and look at him. “Will you?”_

_Lorcan looked like he would come to regret these next words, but he nodded. “Yes, I will come to visit you. Don’t you have any friends who come to see you?”_

_Elide looked down at her hands, her cheeks heating. “No, I’m not allowed to have visitors here. Or friends.” She shyly looked up into his eyes, “Would you be my friend?”_

_“Yes, I will be your friend. I gotta go, I’ll see you later, alright? Next time,” he said as he hauled himself up on the windowsill, “I’ll bring a toy for you, so you can have one too.”_

_“Really? You mean it?”_

_“Yeah, what are friends for?” Lorcan disappeared down the tower without another word._

Elide gasped as she came to and winced against the brightness of the candles lighting the room. There was a soft blanket tucked snugly around her and her skin, for the first time in forever, was clean. Her hair was washed and dried, twisted into a thick braid that reached beneath her hips. It was too soft, the bedand the sheets, she felt like she was sinking down through a cloud and she floundered. “Ae-” she cut herself off with a hacking cough, her throat dry and scratchy. 

Her oldest, most dear companion awoke in the chair she had been dozing in and tears pooled in her turquoise eyes. She quickly stood and poured her a glass of water, helping her to sit up and drink small, little sips. “There you go, El, it’s alright.” 

After she had taken a couple sips, the cool water cutting through the dryness in her throat. She pushed Aelin off, shaking her head, “Ae, Ae,” her voice was still only a whisper and her stomach turned over the water she drank. “He’s alive, Lorcan, _Lorcan_ is alive.” 


	2. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he could do was let a tendril of his magic seep from him and snake across the dirty floor to her. Lorcan watched, powerless, her eyes flutter shut just as that dark smoke touched her outstretched palm.

The sounds of war had become something of comfort to him over the past five years of his life. He had been born into chaos and would wreak havoc unto the world for his home and his love, wherever she may be. **  
**

The clash of shields against weapons. The whine of steel on steel. The groaning of bows as nocked arrows were pulled taut and then the slick hiss as they were released. It was the music to the fatal dance he performed, his power glutting itself on the death surrounding him. 

The god residing in him feasted on the lives Lorcan took so casually, the black storm swirling from his hands lashing out as he doled out merciful deaths. 

The heavy sun burned into his back as his hatchet sung its deadly song, the black blood of his demon enemies splattering against his face. 

Later, he would feel the ache in his bones and the agony would weigh heavily over him until he succumbed to the oblivion of slumber, but for now, like a good soldier, he would push it down as he continued to slaughter and slay demons left from right. 

Even his dark lord feared the demons, they were not of his otherworldly plane, nothing Hellas himself had seen. _Keep away_ , Death hissed. _Keep away from them, boy._ Lorcan felt the god rejoice when every practiced swing of his steel struck true and down went another foe. 

Soon, too soon and yet too slowly, night fell and Lorcan stumbled into his tent, falling to his bed roll before he could find the strength left in him to change, his leathers covered in gore. He managed to shed his jacket, torn and sliced from the sweeps he hadn’t managed to dodge. 

His skin was sticky with sweat and the reeking black blood of the enemy. Lorcan knew it would bother him later when it cooled and was like a mask over his body. There was a scuffling outside his tent, his weapons being taken away to be cleaned and sharpened. 

Lorcan knew he should have stopped the acolyte to take off his blades, but the death settling heavy over the camp had the beast inside him drunk and sluggish as it glutted itself on the ends of lives. 

Lorcan struggled to lift himself, the full force of his magic re-charging dragging him down, back to earth. His eyes rolled back into his head and he was pulled into a dark subconscious. 

He thought he would be wading through a murky blackness, but no. He was in the body of a raven, his wings beating against the cool mountain air. He looked down and realized that he soared above Perranth, the field beneath them ravaged and burning. He saw the glint of metal and his power drank in the annihilation. 

Castle Perranth loomed above and he didn’t hesitate to fly towards the tower that Elide had been held in. The stone building was crumbling and felt hollow. He doubted that she would still be there, but he hadn’t sensed her death and he would know, would feel it if Elide had died during the years they had been apart. 

The bars were still bolted over the window that he aimed towards, his talons striking the iron. There was a woman curled in the corner of the room, chains dragging across the floor to bolt her to the wall. 

Her body was so thin that he could see every knock of her spine through the tattered dress she wore. Bruises marked her paper-white skin, so purple against her flesh. There was blood on the floor by her head, pooling around her. He croaked and watched, the remaining shreds of his tattered heart ripping apart when she strained upwards and turned to face him. 

It was Elide.

This, this wasn’t supposed to happen. She was days away from death, at most, and from the way she trembled it had been too long since she last ate. 

All he could do was let a tendril of his magic seep from him and snake across the dirty floor to her. Lorcan watched, powerless, her eyes flutter shut just as that dark smoke touched her outstretched palm. 

As soon as Elide shut her eyes completely, Lorcan was ripped away from the scene and roughly awoken in his tent, breathing hard as he shot up. Elide was _alive_ , but just barely and she needed someone to get to her, before it was too late. 

Lorcan blindly reached for the jug of water resting on the little table in the tent, drinking deeply until the tumbler was empty and then he threw it to the ground, breathing heavy. _It wasn’t real, it’s just a dream, Elide is fine, Elide is fine,_ he repeated it like a mantra as the blackness swallowed him whole once more and he could do nothing against it. 

When he next awoke, Lorcan didn’t know how long it had been since his power had been dormant, groggy with the lives it charged itself with. The sounds of battle were raging once more and he saw that his leathers had been cleaned and dried. Lorcan got dressed, efficient movements that had him shouldering through the tent flaps, already strapping on his blades. 

No one dared to speak to him as he mounted Anneith, his horse and rode to the field. 

_Elide is fine_ , he said as the black mare stamped beings beneath her hooves, his hatchet swinging. 

_Elide is fine_ , he told himself as he took off the head of a demon, black blood spraying against the side of Anneith and his leg. _She isn’t in Perranth anymore, Vernon took her with him when he fled._

Lorcan lashed out with his power more aggressively than he usually did, letting Death’s consort’s penchant for long endings bleed through his actions. He savoured every life he took and gave into the calling of his god, letting his body become a vessel for death and destruction. 

It had been a dream, nothing more than his subconscious. Hellas did not confirm nor deny his feelings, simply continued ripping away souls one by one. 

Lorcan attacked with his hatchet and power, striking true and deep with every blow. The hits that fell on him didn’t affect his prowess as he battled, leaving broken bodies and fallen weapons in his wake. 

Something shot for him, but before he could react, his mount was screaming in rage, her front hooves flashing as she rose on her hind legs and neatly spun away, the arrow passing by him to sink into the skull of a demon soldier. 

“Good girl, Annie,” he said to the mare, running his hand down the side of her neck. Anneith’s sides heaved as she greedily gulped down air, her eyes, black like a moonless night, turning and turning until she found her next target. 

Anneith whinnied and stomped her feet, charging through the fray, smashing through enemy lines. Lorcan let go of her reins, there was enough trust between the beast and its master that Anneith could go free. 

Lorcan reached over his shoulder and drew his sword, blade and hatchet in hand, foe falling like flies on either side of the deadly combination of the bloodthirsty beast and a rider guided by Death itself. 

The dark lord inside him raged against his immortal confines, Let me out of here, free me, he screamed and Lorcan allowed his body to become a carrier, a black storm swirling around him as he let his power burn and burn and burn. 

_Elide is fine._ Another life taken.

 _Elide is fine._ A blood-curdling scream heard when hatchet and sword ripped through a body. 

_Elide is fine. Elide is fine. Elide is fine. Elide is fine. Elide is fine._

He repeated the words as if his sanity depended on them being the truth, as if he allowed himself to look past his fears and understand what that vision had shown him, he wouldn’t be able to continue on. 

The opposing army began to disappear. 

They just _collapsed_ onto the plane, leaving the husks of bodies. The raging god inside him stopped and the storm swirling around him froze as Anneith skittered to a stop, still wild for blood. _It’s over, boy_ , Hellas whispered, the voice that sounded like a thousand screams shocked as if he too had never seen anything like this. _No more fighting now._

Lorcan breathed out slowly, taking back his body as he sent out soft whispers of his magic, searching for what, he wasn’t sure, but he knew when that sickening oily sense didn’t meet him while he swept over the shells of men. 

It truly was over now. 

The victory he had been fighting for the past five years was now his. 

He could go _home_. 

Later that day, when dusk had settled over the plane, Lorcan stood beside Anneith, washing the blood and gore from her hide. He scowled as he poured water over her flank and then scrubbed gently. The horse knickered softly and flicked him with her tail, turning her big, round eyes on him. Lorcan grinned despite himself and rubbed her nose. “Guess it’s home for us, huh, girlie?” 

She huffed like she agreed and went back to slowly munching on her grain. With a big sigh, the jet-black mare lowered herself to the ground, her legs neatly tucked beneath her. Lorcan tossed the cloth into the now-empty bucket and sat down, leaning his back against her side, his legs stretched out before him. Anneith turned her head around and rested it on his thighs, staring up at him. _Are you okay?_

“What are you on about, Annie? I’m fine,” he told her, too tired to care about anyone hearing him talking to his horse. 

If horses could raise their eyebrows, that’s the expression Anneith would be wearing. _I don’t believe you_. 

Lorcan frowned at her, scratching her ears, “How would you know, you’re a horse.” 

_You’re the person who’s talking to one,_ she shot back at Lorcan, huffing at him. 

“Ouch,” Lorcan said, his eyes drooping as his head bobbed. He yawned and settled into her side, crossing his arms over his chest. “You did good today, girlie. We’re going home, I promise.” 

His breathing grew deep and even, his heartbeat slowing until he was dead asleep. 

_In his dreams, he was scrambling down the tower, his heart racing fast as he sprinted through the streets of Perranth for a little wood cabin on the edge of the forest, a place he called home._

_In his haste to hurry home, he tripped over the uneven brick roads and was sent sprawling. He scraped his cheek and hands, tearing up as he slowly got to his feet, his shadowy magic seeping from him. Normally, he would carefully climb the tree next to his cabin to sneak back to bed, but tonight he couldn’t be bothered, not as he slammed the front door open and called for his mother the minute he stepped foot inside, “Momma! Ma, I need you!”_

_Odette Salvaterre was seated at their worn kitchen table, reading a book by a lamp. She sighed as she took in her son, “Darling, I believe I put you to bed an hour ago. Where have you been and why are you bleeding?”_

_“I met a girl, Ma, her name is Ellie and she lives in the castle and she likes to draw.”_

_Odette smiled softly as she scooped him up and set him down on the counter, shaking her head at him as she collected supplies to clean his bumps and scrapes. “You met a girl?”_

_“Yes, Momma, in the castle. I thought she was a ghost, maybe, but she isn’t, she’s a human, but her blood is different, I don’t know why though.”_

_She hummed and dipped a clean cloth into a bottle of clear liquid before swiping it over his palms. Lorcan hissed at the pain. “How did you meet this girl, baby?”_

_“I told you, I climbed the tower, Ma, she lives in the north tower, the one the moon shines on.”_

_Odette slowly pulled away from her son. “Lorcan Ohitekah Salvaterre. This better not be you telling me you climbed the castle tower and bothered that little girl, Elide.”_

_“No?”_

_“_ Lorcan _.”_

 _“What, I was_ curious _, Momma! I wanted to see a ghost!”_

_His mother just shook her head and sighed again, pursing her lips, “That was a very dangerous thing to do, baby. You could’ve hurt yourself.”_

_Lorcan frowned at her, “Momma, I don’t care.”_

_“And why is that?”_

_He furrowed his brow and crossed his arms, “I made a new friend and she wasn’t scared of my magic, at all. She smiled at it.”_

_Odette grinned and pinched his cheek, “That’s lovely, baby. Why don’t you tell me about your new friend?”_

_He nodded and hopped off the counter, pacing back and forth, “She is the best drawer ever, she likes ravens like me. She is the heir of Perranth, but I don’t know what that is, what’s an heir?”_

_“When Lord Vernon dies, she becomes the lady of the city.”_

_“Oh,” he said, beginning to collect some of his toys and putting them in a sack._

_“Darling, what are you doing?”_

_“_ Um _,” Lorcan looked up at her, “I’m bringing her my toys? She doesn’t have any, Momma, I can give her some of mine.”_

_“That’s very sweet of you, Lorcan, but you need to get to bed, it’s late.”_

_“But, Mom-”_

_“Lorcan Ohitekah Salvaterre.”_

_He sighed and dropped the bag on the floor, shuffling over to her and hugging her, “Fine. Goodnight, Momma.”_

_Odette smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of his head, “Goodnight, baby.”_

_“Can I go tomorrow night?”_

_“Maybe, love, but for now, you need to sleep.”_

_Lorcan nodded and yawned as he walked into his bedroom, practically throwing himself on the mattress. His curtains were still pulled open and he could see the tower Elide was kept in, the golden light of the fire no longer spilling from the window._

Lorcan jolted awake, sweating as he breathed hard, still leaning against Anneith’s warm side. The moon still shone above him and the stars twinkled merrily down at him. For the first time since that one night three years ago, Lorcan dug deep into his chest, searching for that tether to Elide’s soul. He searched through the dark expanse and found… nothing. 

He didn’t know where it had gone, but there was nothing waiting for him any longer. 

Tears built in his eyes as he continued to search, and search, burrowing deep in his being. Elide wasn’t gone, his one anchor to this miserable life he led could not have left because if she was gone, that meant he was truly alone and that knowledge hung over his head, threatening to end him. 

As Lorcan searched and searched, he grew closer to giving up, to accepting that whatever they had promised to each other that night before he left were the words of children that knew nothing of the world. 

But then, right there, he reached out and grabbed something, tugging and tugging, his hands gripping whatever it was with every gram of strength he possessed. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he felt Anneith shift as a response to his distress. 

Lorcan was frozen as he watched, helpless against the rapid fading of Elide’s life. Her chest rose just a little bit less with every heartbreaking breath. Her soul was leeching away from her being and he knew that if it escaped her grasp, it would not return to her. Instead, his love’s psyche would slip through his fingers to the next plane of life, one he would not be able to join her in. 

Lorcan felt it as she approached the veil between this life and the Afterworld. 

He held on tighter to the bridge between them, making her stay alive. Even if he faded, as long as Elide was alive, he would accept death. 

The gods could not be this cruel, they could not grant them a second chance after the war had torn them apart only to rip her away from this earth. 

He would not allow it. 

And so, with something he wasn’t aware he possessed, Lorcan stepped before her, becoming a barrier to her. 

_Let me through_ , she said, her voice hoarse and broken, but demanding to be heard. _Now, before they kill me._

He knew not of these people she claimed to be coming for her, but the deity residing by his shoulder assured him no harm would come to her. _It is not your time, Elide. You cannot join them._

Anger flooded her fine-boned face, washing over her too-sharp features and sunken cheeks, _Let me through, Lorcan. I cannot stay here, I cannot live any longer without you. Please_ , her fury cracked over that one word, _please let me be with you._

There were tears caught in her thick lashed and he cradled her face in his hands, thumbs tracing over her cheekbones, _You will not find me here, my love._

_Then where? Where will I find you?_

Oh, how he had missed that spitfire temper of hers. _Exactly where you are. I will come home to you, like I promised. Won’t you wait for me?_

A laugh bubbled from her cracked lips, the sound full and joyous. _Yes, yes, I will wait for you. How long will you have me wait this time?_

Lorcan chuckled, _Not long, I swear to you, mahasani, I will be with you by our lunar eclipse._

He began to fade, the world he was in returning to him. Anneith knickered and shifted, sensing his distress. The vision of Elide blurred and she fisted his shirt, her nails digging into his chest, _Don’t you dare leave me again, you bastard, don’t-_

 _I must, I am so sorry, I must leave you once more. When I am next with you, I shall never leave again, but for now,_ he leaned down, pressed his forehead to hers, _I am with you, always._ Lorcan kissed her so softly, tasting the salt of their tears mingling. 

Lorcan was transported back to the slowly emptying war-camp. He’d given the order for his troops to leave after Rowan had flown to him, telling him how Fenrys had taken the killing blow and how Terrasen was free. 

Lorcan blinked at the beginnings of a new dawn slowly bleeding through the trees and into his eyes. 

Lorcan hastily packed his tent and gear, checking the straps attaching his kit to the saddle. He walked around to face Anneith, looking her in the eye, “We’re going home, for good, Annie.” 

She rolled her eyes and snorted, as if to say _I got it, can we go now?_ Lorcan huffed a wry laugh and nodded, rubbing her nose before he swung himself into the saddle and clicked his tongue, the black mare breaking into a brisk walk. 

It took them three long days and two nights to reach the mountain that was between them and Perranth. Night had fallen by the time they stopped at the last hill, the city sprawled beneath them.

Home. 

For the first time in five years, Lorcan Salvaterre had returned. 

He pressed his heel into Anneith’s side and she began walking again, her head drooping in exhaustion. He’d pushed both of them hard and fast, determined to arrive back in his city as quickly as he could. 

Lorcan didn’t stop the tears that pooled in his eyes as he took in the silver lake, reflecting the moon, and the castle sitting next to it. 

He saw the tower as well, let his eyes linger on the highest window for a moment. Even with the distance, he could still make out the iron bars her uncle had put there after that fateful night. 

If she asked it of him, he would tear it down. 

Though he wanted to race to the castle, to be reunited with her, something inside him told him to wait and take the old, overgrown forest path. 

Eventually, it became too narrow for him to ride Anneith, so he dismounted and led her to a clearing, an abandoned and if slightly decrepit wood cabin sitting in the tree line, a little creek flowing gently by. 

Lorcan undid Anneith’s bridle and saddle, the horse immediately falling to the mossy forest floor and rolling onto her back. 

He grinned at the sight and walked up to the door, the stairs creaking under his every step. His mother’s rocking chair sat in the exact same place it had been in when he last left it. 

The front door was stuck and he pressed his shoulder into it, using more force than necessary as it broke in two. Lorcan sighed, “Fuck.” He added it to the mental list of tasks he would need to accomplish to make this place habitable. 

As he looked around, he soon came to the realization that his childhood home had been ransacked during the conflict. 

Lorcan scowled as he exited to feed and wash Anneith, feeling that anger that was so familiar to him rise in his chest. 

It had always been something he was ashamed of, his fury. His people were not ones to hate and yet, he hated with a burning passion inside him. His people did not have a word for this mortal emotion and still, he felt it every moment of his life. 

Lorcan felt the spirits of his ancestors and elders telling him not to feel this way, but he could never help it. Not with his love locked away in a tower, not with his power being death itself, not when he was Death’s heir. 

It fueled him, honed his strength and bloodlust on the battlefield. 

Later that night, he stared at his rippling reflection in the creek, eyes harsh as they trailed over scars and fading wounds. He flicked his gaze upwards to his hair, staring at the long obsidian locks. With a sigh, he reached for his sharpest knife and carefully began to cut his hair. 

Hair was sacred to his people. They believed that it held one’s power and refused to cut it. Some chose to cut their own after a death or during a process of bereavement. 

Lorcan had known too much death and loss in his short life. He had known it more intimately than anyone else and as the strands of his hair fell into the water, he decided this would be a new life for him, one he would treat like it was something special. Tears flowed openly down his cheeks, falling to the mossy ground beneath him.

It felt strange to stand and walk without that familiar weight of hair on his head and Anneith seemed saddened, as though she knew his pain, like she would weep for him if she could. He nodded once, hugging her. “It’s okay, Annie. It’s time for something new.” 

With a final scratch of her ears, Lorcan entered into the cabin, removing his jacket and bunching it up as he settled on the mattress he had found in the attic, no doubt insect ridden, but for tonight, it would do. 

The last thing he saw as slumber claimed him was a raven, its wings cutting the moon in half as it shone down upon the sleeping city. 


End file.
